One topic that comes up often in marriage counseling quesstions is, “Are we compatible?” The reason couples in counseling ask this is that they’ve hit a wall in their relationship. They likely fight and argue a lot, have realized that blaming the other person will only lead to more disagreements, still love one another, but don’t know what else could be causing the fights. The discord doesn’t have to do with compatibility, or communication, the couples genuinely love one another, they just haven’t learned to see things from the other’s perspective.
This clip from the movie “Crash” shows a very typical fight between a couple in which one person sees things from her perspective and the other person sees it from his perspective. In the end, it doesn’t really matter who’s right and who’s wrong, the issue isn’t about communication, or the “facts” of the situation, the real issue is that it’s difficult to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Following is a typical conversation between a client in a marriage counseling session.
Client: It’s common sense!
Coach: You mean it’s your common sense don’t you?
Coach: He has a different common sense than you do, intellectually you understand that he thinks and sees the world differently than you, but emotionally you feel that because he’s your husband he should see it as you do. Say after me, “my husband and I have different common senses.”
Client: (laughing) But mine is the correct one, right?
Coach: (laughing) Of course!
With practice, self-observation, and a willingness to admit that you’re wrong sometimes, we can help you answer these and other marriage counseling questions you and your partner have.
Marriage Counselor Austin 512-653-4316